I use to be what you would call and alcoholic, I used to drink to survive my day, when i got off from work i would drink till i passed out and puked, and not always in that order, I used to also be a pot head.  Now i'm clean and sober. I look back on who I was and i'm glad i'm not not person anymore. I was a dark and mad person back then. I was not a happy person, I was a depressed person. I drank because i was mad and depressed, I drank to become numb, so I wouldn't have to think about what was making my mad and depressed. only problem was that the drinking would make whatever problems I was dealing with,then this would make me want to drink more, it was a viscous cycle i was in.  I was what you would call a self medicated douchebag.  sure at the time i thought i was having a good time swilling away the beers night after night after night. but looking back at it, i didn't have a lot of fun at all, all i got from it was a lot of hangovers, a messed up stomach, and a shit ton of debt.   sometimes i wish i never picked up that first beer, but i can't take back the past, all i can do is take care of the future, and never go back there again.  sure having an amazing wife helps out a lot, but it isn't just her why i don't drink anymore, I have an amazing daughter, she is why i stopped drinking in the first place, I woke up one day with a hangovr, and look at her, and thought to myself, I can't be this father, I can't be the alcoholic dad, that just keeps the cycle of alocoholism going.  So I gave up for her, and i stay sober for me.  I like not puking everyday, I like knowing what i did the night or even the hour before, I like having money in my pocket, I like not having to figure out how i go home, or what happened to my car, I like not having to constantly apologizing for my drunken antics, I like being able to look myself in the mirror and saying deep down your a decent guy. I like having real friends in my, i like it when my daughter calls me the best dad in the world, i like having a wife that loves and respects me, I like being able to control myself.  i like having solid bowel movements, i like not having to clean up puke off my carpet on a weekly basis, i like having my car not smell like puke on a daily basis.  I like who i am now, and i'll never go back.  i'll never go back to who i was then, i like who I am now...that whole time i was looking for answers at the bottom of the next bottle that never came, because they were never there.  now that i am sober and have clarity of life, I understands the answers come within me, not within Guiness or Jack.  granted i enjoyed the feeling from being drunk, and I loved the flavour of a good crafted ale, or a strong shot of Jack.  but i don't miss them like i once thought i would when i first decided to be sober, now i just reminisce about good times, but then again it doesn't take me long to do that, since there really weren't a lot of good times back then. .... only snips of happiness from time to time... now every sober day is a good day, every sober day is a day to be remembered.......  i say good bye to the man i was and fully embrace the man I have become... again it does help to have a loving daughter, and a wife who loves and understands me who will always be there for me... if i'm ever tempted to visit that place again, i think of them, and say to myself... is having a beer worth it.... is having a shot worth it, really, is it really worth, taking the chance of loosing what you have, loosing what you have become, and i tell myself hell now it isn't...and i don't go back there... i won't i can't...... i love this life that i have. i don't have to drink to be numb anymore, i don't need to be numb anymore....life is good....life is so good.....besides i have bacon and coffee... hmmmm coffee i do love the coffee, nothing like a caffeine buzz, eh hee hee hee hee hee... i know i have an addictive personality, and i watch myself with what i do and who i do it with....this will always be a battle for me, something i will always have to deal with, at any time, one just bad day, one just bad moment, and i could be there again... i know this and i watch myself, i watch how i act, how I react, and i just keep up the good fight. because its woth it in the end to stay sober..... i don't need to be numb anymore and i'm so glad for this....